Booty Pop panties? seriously?

As a young girl, I was always pretty skinny. The running joke in the family was about when I would finally weigh the big 4-0 pounds and this was like 4th grade? My weight upon graduating high school was somewhere around 90-100 lbs.

Being extremely thin was not easy. I was picked on just as much as an overweight person was. To me, it was just as bad. Kids can be so cruel. My mother kept telling me to be patient and that I would gain weight soon enough and then I'd be sorry. I never reached my womanly figure until I was almost 30 years old. I had finally acquired my curves.

As a woman gets older, her metabolism decreases drastically. I remember a day when I could skip one meal and drop almost 2 waist sizes in my jeans. At one point, I was so desperate to gain weight, I would require myself to consume at least 2 milkshakes per day. Those days are a distant memory, sadly.

Now, as I sit on my fat ass watching late nite television, an advertisement appears before my eyes. "Booty Pop Panties". An actual pair of panties in which 2 foam cushions are inserted in the butt cheek area. Are these things for real? Someone is actually going to pay for a pair of these panties?

Hell, I can school you ladies on how to get a large ass and I can promise you, my way is a LOT more fun than paying out your hard earned money plus shipping & handling. Cheeseburgers, french fries, milk shakes & no exercise. Just sit on your lazy ass & watch t.v. all day/night. Don't forget the eating part. Lots of naps thrown into the mix will help, too. Want to get that booty popping faster? Get yourself unemployed.

Ladies, what are you going to do in that moment when, your date comes inside to make out with you? Can you remember the moment when you stuffed your bra as a teenager and got found out in that hugely embarrassing moment? Um, yea... same thing is going to happen with the "Booty Pop Panties". Only difference now is, you are an ADULT. What is going to be the excuse now? At least you were a stupid kid with a bra full of kleenex or Charmin. Now, the dude (or chic, depending on your gender preference) is going to reach back there and get a handful of foam padding. Sexy.

My advice is, if you are skinny enough to be wanting to order these ridiculous panties, stop it. Enjoy your boney ass while you have it. "I'm just sayin'... "

angsty tomboy teen vs. joan jett

As I continue to poke fun at the Twilight series and their choice of lead female in Kristen Stewart, I think she may have found a role in a movie that she is well suited for. Apparently Kristen Stewart is starring in a movie about Joan Jett called "The Runaways". Her Twilight costar Dakota Fanning is also in the flick.

Now, I've always said how confused and surprised I am that the powers that be had cast Kristen Stewart as the female lead & love interest in this saga, being that Hollywood is so obsessed with sex and beauty. I'm not saying Kristen is ugly, by any means. She is just plain. As plain as can be. Her acting skills are simply how she acts in everyday life. In other words, not much acting going on. Don't believe me? Watch her in an interview. The girl is not only weird, but she's a complete spoiled rotten snot. Anyone that has the audacity to say in an interview that "the paparazzi experience is like being raped", needs a total reality check. Every role I've ever seen her play, she was the exact same way. Not a far stretch for her.

I've also had a little theory about her personal life. In every movie I've ever seen her in, she is a bit of a tomboy. Not much feminine going on there. My suspicion was and is that, she is gay. Now, don't get me wrong here. I have many friends who are gay, I'm not bashing her at all. I just found the whole 'rumor' or publicity stunt that she is dating her 'sparkly vampire' in real life, a bit of a joke. Its a total stunt, in my opinion.

Which brings me to my whole statement in the beginning of this. Playing the role of Joan Jett just may be her best role yet. I met Joan Jett back in the 80's when she played at a club I worked at. Never knew she was a lesbian until then. She is an awesome woman & a hell of a rocker. Great person, indeed.

I only have one problem with Kristen being 'Joan Jett'. If you look at Joan, she is one of the most strikingly beautiful women I've ever seen. Flawless face. Nothing 'plain' about Joan... I'm just sayin'.