Booty Pop panties? seriously?

As a young girl, I was always pretty skinny. The running joke in the family was about when I would finally weigh the big 4-0 pounds and this was like 4th grade? My weight upon graduating high school was somewhere around 90-100 lbs.

Being extremely thin was not easy. I was picked on just as much as an overweight person was. To me, it was just as bad. Kids can be so cruel. My mother kept telling me to be patient and that I would gain weight soon enough and then I'd be sorry. I never reached my womanly figure until I was almost 30 years old. I had finally acquired my curves.

As a woman gets older, her metabolism decreases drastically. I remember a day when I could skip one meal and drop almost 2 waist sizes in my jeans. At one point, I was so desperate to gain weight, I would require myself to consume at least 2 milkshakes per day. Those days are a distant memory, sadly.

Now, as I sit on my fat ass watching late nite television, an advertisement appears before my eyes. "Booty Pop Panties". An actual pair of panties in which 2 foam cushions are inserted in the butt cheek area. Are these things for real? Someone is actually going to pay for a pair of these panties?

Hell, I can school you ladies on how to get a large ass and I can promise you, my way is a LOT more fun than paying out your hard earned money plus shipping & handling. Cheeseburgers, french fries, milk shakes & no exercise. Just sit on your lazy ass & watch t.v. all day/night. Don't forget the eating part. Lots of naps thrown into the mix will help, too. Want to get that booty popping faster? Get yourself unemployed.

Ladies, what are you going to do in that moment when, your date comes inside to make out with you? Can you remember the moment when you stuffed your bra as a teenager and got found out in that hugely embarrassing moment? Um, yea... same thing is going to happen with the "Booty Pop Panties". Only difference now is, you are an ADULT. What is going to be the excuse now? At least you were a stupid kid with a bra full of kleenex or Charmin. Now, the dude (or chic, depending on your gender preference) is going to reach back there and get a handful of foam padding. Sexy.

My advice is, if you are skinny enough to be wanting to order these ridiculous panties, stop it. Enjoy your boney ass while you have it. "I'm just sayin'... "