Blood is thicker than water?

You know what pains me most of the time? I surf facebook, and probably about 80-90% of my facebook friends post these status messages about how wonderful their mother, father, sister, brother are. Then of course, there are the kids. "post this into your status if you have a fabulous kid". I appreciate this on some level for my friends, but it doesn't really apply to me.

I have no children, nor will I ever. I have days where it makes me sad, but not often enough to effect my everyday life. I was never in the right situation to bring children into my life. I never wanted to do it alone. I never wanted to be a burden to tax payers or anyone else. I chose the life of birth control. The one time I did have a brief glimpse of hope, was short lived. I think a higher power must of thought better of the 'union' that would of been and took care of it for me. That power knew that I should not suffer having that person in my life for the next 18 years. Personally, I thank that higher power everyday. Lets face it, it would of been a lot longer than 18 years, that I would have to deal with the father of my child.

My feeling about children, to this day is that if I ever had any, I would love them, unconditionally. I would always want to know what is going on in their lives. I would do anything for them that i could, move heaven and earth to be there for them. I am like that with my friends. Apparently, that has been a downfall in my friendships. Loyalty is not something most 'friends' require. There is rarely any reciprocation involved. It has always been something I crave. Needless to say, its an addiction for me.

Call me the 'black sheep' of the family. I never married, never had kids. Therefore, I never really amounted to much in my family's eyes, I suppose. All I ever did was try my best to provide for myself and not be a burden on them. I used to long for a relationship with my mother. I want to be one of those people that can post a status message on facebook that says, "if you have a loving mother, one who loves and cares for you, repost this". I can't do that. Everybody says actions speak louder than words. I am a firm believer of that saying.

Do I think my mother loves me? Yes. I am her child. Just not enough to actually involve herself with my life. My life interferes with hers way too much. She's too busy trying to make sure her mother regrets the way she was treated by her mother. This may be too heavy for most to read, but I'm just sayin'... we all have our bad days.